This world is a wonderfully crazy place. When we look around at those exalted few who are meant to lead their subjects politically, morally, religiously and socially it is almost the height of humour. At least it would be if some of these knob heads didn’t have their finger on a big red button that could potentially end it all. Let’s take a look at a few of these characters.
Let’s start with the obvious –
George W Bush
The previous ‘most powerful man in the world’, Dubya commanded 5,113 nuclear warheads during his time in office yet maintained the presidential look of a monkey who has just discovered the erky jerk. Famed for oozing stupidity when deviating from prepared text he constantly tangled up his words and inevitably uttered the ridiculous. Who didn’t chuckle when he said “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs (gynaecologists) aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” Although to give the man credit he did have a sense of humour. He referred to Russian President Vladimir Putin as ‘Pootie-Poot’ and left the last G8 summit he would attend with ‘Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter’ followed by a grin and a fist pump.
Legendary Dirt bird and Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is a ropey one. Accused in the past of crimes including mafia collusion, false accounting, tax fraud, corruption and bribery of police officers and judges he doesn’t give a fuck. He picked his 2009 European Parliament candidates based on how hot they were and was petitioned for divorce for attending the birthday party of an 18 year old hottie. Not bad for a 73 year old. His sense of humour is often criticised although no doubt as those reporting on it chuckle to themselves. He referred to Barack Obama as ‘young, handsome and even suntanned’. Oh if it weren’t for that pesky political correctness then this would have been hilarious. How the world wanted to laugh but instead had to frown and hold its breath until the suppressed giggles subsided. My favourite Berlusconi blunder was his attempt to retract his comments that Chinese Communists ate children with “I am accused of having said that the [Chinese] Communists used to eat children, but read The Black Book of Communism and you will discover that in the China of Mao, they did not eat children, but had them boiled to fertilise the fields.” Kinda stepped on your own point there big lad.
Pope Benedict XVI
Current Pope and leader of over a Billion Catholics worldwide Pope Benedict XVI (or Joseph Alois Ratzinger to everyone else) was previously enrolled in the Hitler Youth and fought for the Germans in WWII. Not a great start for the pontiff. The man is 83 and is the guiding light for the Catholic religion. I have relatives younger than that who can’t be trusted to wipe their own arse without ending up looking like a toddler after some chocolate pudding.
Colonel Gaddafi to you and me, the Libyan leader and self proclaimed ‘king of kings’ travels with no less than 40 female bodyguards (all of whom are virgins at his own insistence) and a plethora of camels. In a state visit to Paris in 2007 the nutbar decided to pitch a tent in the car park of a 5 star hotel and let his camels roam free. Like his arrogance his anger knows no limits. After a monumental strop after his sons arrest in Geneva for assaulting a chambermaid, the melted Mickey Rourke faced loony showed his usual restraint by ‘boycotting all Swiss imports, closing down all Swiss firms in Libya, he axed flights and interned Swiss businessmen in Tripoli. He then filed a motion with the UN to abolish Switzerland, describing the country as a mafia.’ Surely a time-out and an hour on the naughty step would have sufficed.
The diminutive dictator is the epitome of woo woo while commanding the fourth largest army in the world. His people are kept under 24 hour surveillance and aren’t allowed to leave the country. Life imprisonment is a frequent tariff for families of one who speaks ill of the ‘dearest leader’. It is reported that the po-faced freak lives with 2,000 women forced into sexual servitude. They are checked to ensure virginity, are given 6 months of sexual technique training and have to pledge their allegence in blood. They are then placed into three categories. First up are the ‘Happiness team’ who specialise in massage, the ‘satisfaction tem’ who service the leader sexually and the ‘gamujo team’ who provide song and dance for the leader. Maybe not ‘so ronery’ after all.
Underneath the slopes of Mount Baekdusan lies his nerve centre. Like the lair of a Bond Villain it contains a 50m swimming pool with a gold plated portrait of himself lining the bottom as well as fighter jets, helicopters and horses. It also homes his own personal ‘Noah’s Ark’ project as he attempts to acquire two of every animal starting with the endangered species of Zimbabwe after a deal with Mugabe. It makes me wonder if white farmers are on the Zimbabwean endangered species list.
So there we go, an insight into the madness brought on by the corruptible psyche of man coupled with power over the masses. It just makes me think that maybe war isn’t such a bad thing after all.