Nerd Do Very Well

While sitting watching my favourite programme last night I was given some shocking news. It takes a lot to distract me from the fantastic ‘Wonders of the Universe’ on BBC HD but this was hard to ignore. Apparently Professor Brian Cox is a hottie.

Now Professor Cox is a legend. He has brought Physics to the masses by making it accessible without dumbing it down but I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard that women all over the country were tuning in for other reasons than learning about the cosmos.

This got me thinking about the nature of attraction and celebrity. Does fame allow for sexual prowess not seen in everyday folk? Let’s take a look at some other celebs that have become the most unlikely of sex symbols: Continue reading “Nerd Do Very Well”

For All Intensive Purposes

I could feel my body instantly tense from the immediate and unmistakable revulsion. That body blow feeling in the stomach usually followed by the clenching of teeth. It was the sort of anger that takes control of all your actions urging the onslaught of ultra-violence. I knew the end of the sentence before it’s time had come.

IT’S TOO COLD TO SNOW Continue reading “For All Intensive Purposes”

‘Take Me Out’…The Back…And Shoot Me…In The Head

As I sat, watching the screen, I found myself wondering how we came to this. As a society I mean. Now we all know that the Saturday Night TV Schedule is full of soul destroying shite to keep middle aged women occupied while the kids are out having the fun they wish they were having. One of the more recent additions to the line up is ‘Take me out’.

It is very difficult to describe the format of the show. It is as if Paddy McGuinness had dug up and raped the bloated corpse of Blind Date leaving behind the post mortem abortion that is this show. A show where a lonely male weirdo is paraded in front of 30 whooping and gyrating women who he has to impress into a date. Watching this initial part of the process makes me think that this is what it must have been like for any Christian unlucky enough to piss of the Romans. Continue reading “‘Take Me Out’…The Back…And Shoot Me…In The Head”

Event Horizon

So, I have a confession to make. I was sitting watching the TV, minding my own business, when it hit. One of those moments when you catch yourself doing something and it causes you to re-evaluate your standing in the world, your choices in life, and your progression through the grand maze of existence. I put a tissue up my sleeve.

Now this might not sound like much to some but the repercussions of such an action hit me like a thunderbolt. It brought back memories of my Gran pulling a tissue from her sleeve like some sort of snotty magician, lick it and wipe my grubby child face with it. Years after I noticed my own mother constantly having that concealed weapon look with a tissue up each sleeve ever ready for that critical moment when a sneeze attacks. It is an action as synonymous with old people as not knowing when you’ve farted or pissing yourself.

Now I was going to try and make excuses about the fact that the trousers I was wearing at the time didn’t have pockets but that just makes it worse. I’m actually starting to think the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle pyjama bottoms my girlfriend got me for Christmas may not be as cool as I think they are. But then the Ghostbusters ones are definitely cool, aren’t they? Continue reading “Event Horizon”

Not So Red Hot Dutch

As we walked along the cobbled street, admiring the stunning architecture of such a beautiful city, my eyes couldn’t help but wander. The paradoxical clash of worlds so far apart is an intense experience to say the least. Every building stunningly designed and crafted so many years ago, the character of the tiny cobbled streets, the unique smell that hangs on the corner of any quintessential European City and of course the fat Asian prostitute staring back at me. Continue reading “Not So Red Hot Dutch”