Not So Red Hot Dutch

As we walked along the cobbled street, admiring the stunning architecture of such a beautiful city, my eyes couldn’t help but wander. The paradoxical clash of worlds so far apart is an intense experience to say the least. Every building stunningly designed and crafted so many years ago, the character of the tiny cobbled streets, the unique smell that hangs on the corner of any quintessential European City and of course the fat Asian prostitute staring back at me. Continue reading “Not So Red Hot Dutch”

Bah Humbug

Looking out of your window you would swear it was Christmas. Well, it isn’t. Don’t let the snow fool you. Just because some idiots have had their decorations in the window since Halloween doesn’t make them right either. No, it doesn’t make you more ‘fun’ than the rest of us or happier either. It makes you a Knob.

Christmas is a pain in the hole and everyone knows it. That ‘magical’ time of the year when we’re all supposed to wish for world peace and love each other. Well that’s just balls. Continue reading “Bah Humbug”

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

This world is a wonderfully crazy place. When we look around at those exalted few who are meant to lead their subjects politically, morally, religiously and socially it is almost the height of humour. At least it would be if some of these knob heads didn’t have their finger on a big red button that could potentially end it all. Let’s take a look at a few of these characters.

Let’s start with the obvious – Continue reading “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World”

One Foot in the Rave

Getting older is a horrible experience. As I hurtle towards the big 3-0 I find myself spending more and more time thinking about how I got to where I am. It is that time in life when you start to realise you are an adult no matter how hard to fight it. After much soul searching I ended up with one unanswered question. When do you finally think ‘Fuck it’ and give in to Adulthood?
Most of us spent our twenties still doing the same old shit we did when we were teenagers. Out on the town, on the pull, trying to impress the wee dolls. Then every one of us gets to the immortal juncture in life that begins with the phrase ‘It’s very young in here’. Suddenly your favourite haunt seems to be letting an awful lot of kids in. Of course this is a conspiracy perpetrated by paedophile bouncers to get at some young ‘uns. Nope, you’re just getting older. Continue reading “One Foot in the Rave”

More Than Meets The Eye

As I child of the 80’s I am baffled by the current trend of reworking classic TV shows for a new generation. So many shows are being made into feature length, usually animated, movies which generally fail to capture the magic that captivated us as kids. This leads me to question whether or not kids TV of old have actually stood the test of time and can hold the attention of today’s youth. Kids so desensitised to sex and violence may not be as enthralled by the shows that kept me glued to the TV when I was a child.
Although, after mulling it over, it seems that if we look a little deeper and explore the hidden depths of certain TV gems we may just find out that when it comes to 80’s kids TV there certainly was ‘more than meets the eye’. Continue reading “More Than Meets The Eye”

The Male Genetic Curse

It’s a common problem and it can be very irritating. Sometimes it can be a form of amusement, others tragedy and terror. It’s known to the academics amongst us as alopecia androgenetica and no, it’s not a new species of African Bullfrog. Nor is it the undiscovered Geldof sister they keep chained in the basement, sustained by the odd Baby Ruth bar.

It is in fact Male Pattern Baldness. Bruce Willis, Ross Kemp, Terry Nutkins and Gail Porter are all men who suffer with it.

If you, like me, are a sufferer then do not worry. If there’s more hair on Kojak’s lollipop than on your head then do not despair. I am here to help.

After some careful research on the topic I came across a theory that should help exorcise the demons that haunt the dreams of any slap head. It seems that Frank Muscarella and Michael R. Cunningham, from the University of Louisville, Kentucky, have studied the Ethology and Sociobiology of the matter with surprising results.

They suggest that “baldness evolved in males through sexual selection as an enhanced signal of aging and social maturity, whereby aggression and risk-taking decrease and nurturing behaviours increase. This may have conveyed a male with enhanced social status but reduced physical threat, which could enhance ability to secure reproductive partners and raise offspring to adulthood.” Continue reading “The Male Genetic Curse”

21st Century Boy’s Toys

In the last century we have seen much advancement towards equality in the world. Whether you believe this to be to our benefit or detriment you would surely agree that we have been through a lot. The Suffragettes, Feminism, Civil Rights, Anti Apartheid etc. have all made some sort of attempt to bring about change.

Well I am here to pose a question to those who continue the cry for equality. Why is it acceptable for a woman to own a masturbatory aid but for a man to use one would label him a pervert? Continue reading “21st Century Boy’s Toys”

Xbox Widow or Widowed Xbox?

I, like many of you out there, am an avid online gamer. A few days ago, as some mates (sorry Billy and Stu, I hope you don’t get in too much trouble) and I were chatting between games of Search and Destroy on Modern Warfare 2, the topic of Xbox widows raised its ugly head. It starts out like it normally does. The familiar whining drone accidently picked up by an oversensitive online headset wasn’t the sound of a UAV overhead but that of a disgruntled partner. Continue reading “Xbox Widow or Widowed Xbox?”

Starbucks – The Lion’s Den?

On Saturday I did something I have never done before, I entered the Lion’s den. A place I have avoided for years even as every available empty store was filled with something that would send a shiver down my spine. That evil thing that is spreading around Northern Ireland like AIDS in the 1980’s is Starbucks. Continue reading “Starbucks – The Lion’s Den?”

3DTV – A Terryfying Glimpse of the Future?

Once again I find myself with a fairly new Television set that is almost obsolete. No sooner are most people up to date with High Definition Televisions than the so-called ‘next generation’ of TV’s are here and this time they’re 3D.

When I splashed out on a new TV it was advertised as ‘future proof’ and I stupidly believed that spending a decent amount of money on it would keep me up to date for years to come. I was wrong.

When 3D first started becoming popular at the cinema I was sceptical. Distant memories of Jaws 3D or the shockingly bad Freddy’s Dead resurfaced and helped me to avoid the new fad at the local cinema expecting it to go the way of smell-o-vision. However, it wasn’t until eventually agreeing to see Avatar in 3D with friends that I found out, to my surprise, that 3D technology had moved on. The intensity and sheer impact of the 3D was spectacular and certainly sold me on the idea.

While I can understand that the use of 3D will not enhance the cinematic classics, it is perfect for the usual mindless summer blockbuster. If it makes those huge explosions look more intense and engaging then why the hell not? Continue reading “3DTV – A Terryfying Glimpse of the Future?”