The Ugly 80s

I love ’80s movies, they’re just awesome. Ghostbusters, Aliens, Ferris Bueller’s Day off, Weekend at Bernie’s, Back to the Future, Goonies and many many more.

However there is one strange feature of 80s movies that has often left me rather confused and perplexed. The necessary hottie in so many of these films is inevitably a munter. Even the female popstars of the day look like rejects from Labyrinth. Here are a few examples:

Daryl Hannah

One of the go to gals of the 80s I can’t help but wonder how she got work. She looks like excess testicular skin stretched over a clenched fist.

Brooke Shields

Let’s face it, she looks like something freshly liberated from a Nazi concentration camp and judging by her eyebrows I’m sure her Growler looks like a stab wound on a Gorilla’s back.

Molly Ringwald

This Ginger nut looks like that girl from your class at school that faintly smells of cabbage and will let anyone finger her round the back of the bike sheds in exchange for a Wham Bar and a packet of Bikers.

Madonna

The ultimate slag bag was as freaky looking then as she is now. She looked like a Turkish prostitute during a brief foray into amateur porn. No wonder she always wore a cross round her neck. It was to stop her face escaping and possessing little girls.

Bananrama

The ultimate trifecta of Ugly, they almost make Atomic Kitten look hot. They look about as genetically stable as Josef Fritzl’s grandkids and about as happy.

There you go, proof the 80s was a Munter’s paradise. How these women were ever thought of as hot I’ll never know.

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5 thoughts on “The Ugly 80s

  1. she doesn’t look like a turkish prostitute but like your mama…you have serious problems with sex and gender..

  2. finally! I just watched Conan, and let me tell you….ewww. I hated the eighties when they were happening, but, by god, what was hollywood thinking? It’s like moderately attractive women are a recent evolution. I’m not into fake bimbos either. Add huge fake tits and tans to the craggy features of 80s women and you have early-mid 90s women. What was the deal? I know there were plenty of beautiful women before that shit decade, but were they imprisoned for the 80s? The outlandishly bad style couldn’t have been solely responsible for ruining all of their facial features too. It’s like they weren’t even trying to find decent-looking women whose only virtue in those movies was supposed to be their looks. They certainly weren’t hired for their acting.

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